A Sign of Hope

I am going to be super real and honest with this post – lately  I have been struggling emotionally with the thought of growing up and going to college.

I know, this is normal thoughts and feelings of a recently turned 18 year old. However, this has been effecting my family as well.

My  mother and I have been having conflicts – emotions clashing with high tension pouring out from our words – this is something we are not use to and do not want three weeks before I leave.

We have always been very open with each other, how we are feeling and why.

For both of us, this new chapter of independence/freedom is straining our relationship, but it is okay. This is needed, for this change is inevitable and we needed to work out our feelings.

After a couple days of not bringing up the topic, we talked.

We talked, expressed our fears/wishes, and we were okay.

After, I left to go to my friend’s graduation party, I saw something that confirmed my beliefs.

Two big, yellow butterflies were flying together across the road while I was stopped at a stop sign.

For those who don’t know, yellow butterflies symbolize emotional growth, as well as, moving through cycle of life and personality.

We are going to be okay and college is going to be exactly what I need.

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Appreciating Loved Ones

So, two days ago I had my graduation on my mom’s side and it was hectic. My whole family, boyfriend, and I were running around all day trying to set up since 8 A.M. All I could think about was “Boy, I am tired.”

By the time I showered, picked out a cute outfit, and did my makeup, I realized it was already time for people to start showing up. Considering I had been on my feet all day, I was stressed out.

However, I remembered earlier in the day how a huge dragonfly actually flew into our house due to the back door being wide open and I stopped, stared, and was full of excitement to see the biggest dragonfly I’ve seen this summer. While remembering that feeling of awe and excitement, I thought to myself, “snap out of this mood dude, be happy, everyone coming took time out of their day to celebrate you!”. That’s when I started really forgetting all the trouble throughout the day, getting excited, and greeting people.

My graduation party also taught me another lesson that I hope I won’t forget. That lesson is that I am truly, deeply loved by many, whether it be friends or family. Everyone that showed up had a big smile on their face, an open embrace, and the excitement to talk about my future plans.

Even though I was socially and physically exhausted by the end of the night, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I was more open to people than I have been in a really long time. I left all fear of being socially awkward or embarrassing with the dragonfly that flew out my backdoor before the party.

Again, if you are reading this and attended my party, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to celebrate me and my accomplishments. It means so much to me, truly.  I tried to talk to everyone as much as I could.

To my parents and boyfriend, thank you for dealing with my moodiness when I get overly stressed out like I did at times throughout the day. Thank you for putting so much effort into a party I will never forget and will also be in my heart.

To everyone else, appreciate those beautiful souls who surround you. Pay more attention to them and the things they do for you, always say thank you as well.

Little Things

Yesterday afternoon, while I was sitting outside on a blanket writing my newest blog post, my Aunt Jen texted me. It was a simple text, but the significance of it touched my heart.

It’s no secret I admire dragonflies, I think they are beautiful and mysterious. I have a dragonfly decal sticker on my car, different items depicting dragonflies, and I even got a dragonfly design on my nails so I knew I had some on me for graduation.

So, to have someone see a dragonfly and think of me, is something really spiritual and amazing. Receiving this text randomly at 1:04 in the afternoon made my day. The moment was great knowing that the dragonfly’s presence made my aunt’s day better too.

The text from my aunt also made me realize how I appreciate random acts of kindness or love. For example, before I dropped my brother off at work today, I took him to Dunkin’ Donuts for a treat. I even tried to pay for the person behind me in line, but to my luck, they had already paid beforehand on their mobile app.

Although I do struggle or complain about always helping out with my immediate family running errands and taking people places, I secretly love knowing that I helped them in a small way and possibly made their life easier.

My advice to you is to do more for others, the rewarding feeling is something to hold onto. Don’t be afraid to randomly text or call someone to say nice things to or to say you miss them.

Life is about the little things and before you know it, you’re going to wish you paid more attention to those little texts and small acts of kindness.

 

Advice For Your Transformation

Like one of my best friend’s said the other day, people really do change within four years. The idea of it is kinda scary, but it’s also empowering and motivational. Personally, I have changed tremendously throughout my four years of high school and I am so glad.

Within four years, I changed socially, physically, and mentally. I went through hard times and good times, challenges, and overcame obstacles. Within this post, I want to explore the different ways I’ve changed and give some advice as to how you can handle or appreciate similar experiences.

  • Socially – My friend group from middle school lost track of its course in the very first year of high school and man, did that really hit me hard. In the moment, I didn’t realize that  letting go of all I knew would lead me to a more extraordinary gift. moving on from my childhood friends led me to some of the most hilarious and compassionate people I know. The road to new friends wasn’t always easy. I lost and gained a few individuals along the way, for some reasons I do and do not regret. Life has a funny way of pointing you down the right path and sometimes it happens right under our nose. Changing socially was very rough at times and still not always pretty rainbows and flowers. I learned to forget past mistakes and currently still in the process of forgiving. One way I suggest to accept where you are now socially is to believe that you are never, ever alone. Things happen, but you are you and there is someone out there that is bound to love who you are. So, don’t give up and just try to reach out.
  • Physically – From freshman year, I have struggled with my body. I am still struggling, but in a different way. Even though I was never overweight, I was not as fit as I hoped to be either. My insecurity stayed with me all throughout high school and even now. My mentality changed when I started dating my boyfriend who, at the time, was in weight lifting competitions and on the football team. I started becoming more conscious of what I was putting into my body. Almost two years later, I have cut soda out of my diet, eating more fruits &veggies when snacking, eating lighter meals, and drinking lots of water. Watching my body get healthier makes me so happy. Although I am happy with my progress so far, I am still not where I want to be. My advice to anyone else struggling with themselves physically, is to just accept where you are. You are never going to get anything accomplished by just staring in that dusty mirror and picking yourself apart. Find the courage to start new exercise classes or simply find time to work everyday. Slowly work in healthier choices and don’t rush it all at once (you don’t want to burn yourself out).
  • Mentally – My parents went through a divorce in the beginning of my freshman year. The process was hard, but it was not the only big thing in my life. I found myself struggling with grades and not wanting to go to public places like the gym. Since then, I have become a straight A student who is in the National Honors Society, and now have become a more open person. Okay, I am not perfect. I do get bad grades occasionally, forget to study, judge others by accident, and get into petty arguments. But I have simply accepted my feelings and thoughts. My advice to you is to understand that your feelings are real, true, and validated. If you’re hurt, you’re hurt. Do not try to shield others away and try to get help when you need it. There is no shame in therapy or simple talk sessions with friends or family. However, never think there isn’t a way to change or fix your thoughts and feelings. I am currently working on this myself when it comes to anxious feelings and thoughts. Just never give up and know you are not alone.

Accepting who you are can be difficult, but know that time can heal and help you overcome any obstacle presented.

If you related to anything within this post, please feel free to share with friends and family. Do not forget to like and follow. If you have anything you would like me to write about, just enter your contact info under my “contact” tab and I will get right back to you!

Energy Vampires

When I first created this blog, I was not aware of the stressful and worrisome events that were at the brink of my horizon.  One event led to another – school, work, friends and family problems, college decision-making, – and so much more simply knocked me off course, something I refer to as being under the influence of “energy vampires”. I finally realized I had lost the time, passion, and energy to do what I love most – writing.

I finally broke through my so-called “funk” after reading an article that made me think, “Why have I stopped doing this? Why am I letting so much effect my lifestyle?”. I dedicated tonight to sit down, take the necessary time to revamp my blog’s appearance and to conjure up the ability to type up this post. Even though I am physically tired from today while writing this, I honestly haven’t felt more at peace in a very long time.

Writing opens doors to where I can express my emotions and/or thoughts to people without the anxiety of physically being in their presence. This blog always allowed me to clear my mind, while simultaneously allowing people to connect or share my way of life.

I got so caught up in every little thing the past couple of months, that I allowed my energy to be drained enough to no longer do what I love. When I think about “Energy Vampires”, I personally am talking about anything, living or not, that sucks the energy out of your motivation and commitment. This could be your job, a friend, family member, boss, girlfriend/boyfriend, school, college, – anything that keeps you from continuing your passions or hobbies. It’s common, but I have learned that you cannot let these things stop you from living your life.

Always remember there is an alternate path that can lead you to happiness. Do not be afraid to let go of someone or something, especially when it is in your best interest. Being afraid to stand up for yourself or make that change in lifestyle is your number one enemy. Honestly, just do itChange your career. Go back to college. Tell your coworker how you honestly feel. Tryout for that elite sports team. Drop that immature friend. Do not feel guilty for doing what is best for you.

Be like the dragonfly and make the change !

The Power of Giving

Hi everyone, I found some free time to really sit and think about what I wanted to discuss in this new blog post. So, with Christmas being two days away, I started to remember what it is like to finally be in the “Holiday Spirit” and wanted to share my quick opinion on the topic.

Early this morning, I was able to hand out some presents to my friends and teachers.  However, as the day went on, I realized I had gave more than I had received and I was completely fine with it. The holiday season should not be all about receiving, even if the idea of unwrapping gifts may spark a sense of excitement and thrill.I think we all need to acknowledge that the aspect of giving, even the simple thought of giving something, can mend some hearts and bring us excitement as well. Whether it be a holiday card, scratch off ticket, gift card, piece of clothing, etc., just the fact of knowing that someone thought of you enough to get you a present could make anyone a little cheerier. Not only does it make the other person feel good about themselves, but giving could make you feel better about yourself too. To see each of my friends light up at the sight of their present fueled me to want to give more and I think majority of people reading this would agree it feels pretty amazing to receive a gift you weren’t expecting.

So, with the “Holiday Spirit” in full gear, don’t forget to grab a card (even hand-made one if you are on a tight budget) and thank whoever is present in your life or continually makes your journey a better experience.

Happy Holidays everyone and thanks for reading!